Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize