I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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