I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
