Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
