Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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