if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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