theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
