For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
