We named our party play list daddy issues
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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