she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
