No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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