you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
