You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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