I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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