last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
