I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
