bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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