I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
