if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
420 ftw
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a beard to bite.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
