I wish my penis had an off switch
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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