Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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