drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
