he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
