i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
