this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
