I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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