id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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