Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
