Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
