Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
