He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
