The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
