Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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