I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.