I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.