..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
