Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
