remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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