Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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