We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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