I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
