____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
