You really coming over, don't trick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
