She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
