not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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