ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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