My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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