How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
