im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
