My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
