woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
