Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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