I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
