Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
