Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.