well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower