Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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