you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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