I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
