Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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