My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
