Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
