You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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