weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
