i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
