Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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