i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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