Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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