Well douche your snatch and let's go!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
