Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
